Something I ordered shipped Friday—just 2 hours and 21 minutes away. And yes, that’s with Texas traffic, where every freeway’s under construction and the state flower should honestly be the traffic cone.
It’s now Tuesday. Still no package.
In the time it’s taken for USPS to not deliver that box, I’ve: ✅ Gone to the ER ✅ Gotten discharged ✅ Scheduled a follow-up with my GP ✅ Mentally picked throw pillows for my suite at Hotel Harris
The boys call it that—Hotel Harris—because I’m there too often, not because I should have a private room. (Though for the record? I’ve never had a roommate. Ever. The punch card must be working.)
Sparky says I need a business card listing all my meds just to make check-in faster. And honestly, at this point I’m just waiting on: 🛏 A monogrammed robe 💉 Frequent flyer miles 🧃 And a punch card that earns me a free saline bag after my 10th stay
USPS? Still reenacting the Oregon Trail with my package. If it doesn’t show up soon, I half expect the tracking to say:
“Your order was delayed due to dysentery.”
Amazon? They swore it’d be here Monday. Now it’s “maybe tomorrow,” with all the confidence of a teenager trying to fold laundry. And now they’ve updated it to June 6 and tried to blame the carrier. No, Amazon—you didn’t get it out on time. That’s on you.
BUT THEN—plot twist. FedEx delivered today. My Tezspire order from Accredo showed up. Caught me mid-shower, in my still-not-monogrammed robe, because of course they did.
I thought someone finally got it right. Then I opened the box… and they only sent one pen. Not three.
So now I get to call the international pharmacy hotline and explain, yet again, that a full order means more than one.
So yes, Amazon and USPS are still deep in the Great Delay Games, raising rates while lowering expectations. And even when FedEx wins the race, Accredo drops the baton at the finish line.
Tezspire, misdiagnosis, and why David’s birthday ended in surgery
This post is part of my Health & Healing series. If you’re just joining in, you can catch up on Part 1.
After months of allergy testing and being told I was basically allergic to everything but air and sarcasm, I finally got approval for Tezspire. I was so relieved to have a plan in place. A sample arrived, I was prepped, and we were finally doing something proactive.
That joy didn’t last long.
I injected it into my thigh like you would with an EpiPen. But the pain was sharp—instant—and I reflexively yanked the injector back like I’d touched a hot burner. The nearly $5,000 dose sprayed everywhere.
The wall. The sink. My pride.
There was no time to get another from the doctor’s office. I was days away from surgery, and just like that, I lost it. The shot. My composure. All of it.
From then on, we switched to the abdomen—thanks to surgical nerve damage, I couldn’t feel it anyway. Belly shots are old news when you’ve been through two pregnancies, insulin injections, and more abdominal procedures than I care to count.
I’ve had allergy issues for years. Back in 2018, I thought I was doing everything right: working out, eating clean, oatmeal every morning, lemon water, fresh seasonal fruit.
Except—plot twist—I’m mildly sensitive to almost all of that. Cashews, oats, barley, lemon, peas, watermelon, soy, fish, strawberries…
I was basically eating my way into joint pain and inflammation.
And that’s just the food list. I’m allergic to every tree in our region except the willow. Plus cats, dogs, dust mites, pollen, mold, grasses… basically, my pillow wants me dead.
So while the Tezspire drama was new, the story behind it was old and complicated. Like everything else in my medical file.
That night, the pain hit like a freight train around 10 PM. I knew it wasn’t food poisoning or acid reflux—I was warned before my VSG-to-RNY revision that the gallbladder might be the next to go. They told me six to nine months. Mine didn’t wait that long.
But truth is? My gallbladder had been on the struggle bus for years. The first major attack was in college—Kaiser called it a kidney stone. Another came on Mother’s Day 2017 or 2018. We blamed my ADHD meds. A third one hit just after my original VSG, but still: no stones, no action.
Now here I was in 2024, clutching my side and praying someone would take me seriously.
The ER ran an ultrasound—no stones. They tried to send me home. They floated “maybe it’s a virus.” I floated right back, “Maybe check my liver enzymes and trend my labs.”
And wouldn’t you know it—CT confirmed it: a very sick gallbladder. But the OR was booked, so surgery had to wait until Monday.
While I waited, May 5 arrived. David turned 13. And I was in a gown, hooked up to IVs, in pain.
Cue the mom guilt.
But leave it to Sparky. After work, he swung by In-N-Out and picked up burgers, fries, and root beer floats to celebrate with David. They made the best of it—and now, that meal is David’s birthday tradition. Every year, he wants In-N-Out and floats, because it reminds him we still celebrated. Even if mama was in the hospital.
On May 6, they wheeled me in.
The surgeon later told me they had to enlarge the incision because my gallbladder was so inflamed.
“It should’ve come out years ago,” he said. (You don’t say.)
Later, my gastric surgeon found out and asked, “Why didn’t you call us? We could’ve had you moved and done it Sunday.”
Sir, I was medicated, horizontal, and already in a hospital gown. That ship had sailed.
At this point, it feels like my gallbladder was just another item checked off the ‘what’s left to remove?’ list.
I wanted to believe this was the fix. But something didn’t sit right. The reflux was worse. I had lost more weight. I was more active, more mobile, more present—but I was still in pain. At 175 pounds, I was technically still overweight, but I had lost 110 pounds total since my highest weight.
Despite all that progress? Something was off.
This wasn’t just gallbladder drama. It wasn’t just another surgery. Something deeper was wrong. And my body was about to make that very clear.
“Turns out, the gallbladder was just the opening act. I thought the worst was behind me—bless my heart.”
Simple Southern Mommy 