Something I ordered shipped Friday—just 2 hours and 21 minutes away.
And yes, that’s with Texas traffic, where every freeway’s under construction and the state flower should honestly be the traffic cone.
It’s now Tuesday.
Still no package.
In the time it’s taken for USPS to not deliver that box, I’ve:
✅ Gone to the ER
✅ Gotten discharged
✅ Scheduled a follow-up with my GP
✅ Mentally picked throw pillows for my suite at Hotel Harris
The boys call it that—Hotel Harris—because I’m there too often, not because I should have a private room.
(Though for the record? I’ve never had a roommate. Ever. The punch card must be working.)
Sparky says I need a business card listing all my meds just to make check-in faster.
And honestly, at this point I’m just waiting on:
🛏 A monogrammed robe
💉 Frequent flyer miles
🧃 And a punch card that earns me a free saline bag after my 10th stay
USPS? Still reenacting the Oregon Trail with my package.
If it doesn’t show up soon, I half expect the tracking to say:
“Your order was delayed due to dysentery.”
Amazon?
They swore it’d be here Monday.
Now it’s “maybe tomorrow,” with all the confidence of a teenager trying to fold laundry.
And now they’ve updated it to June 6 and tried to blame the carrier.
No, Amazon—you didn’t get it out on time. That’s on you.
BUT THEN—plot twist.
FedEx delivered today.
My Tezspire order from Accredo showed up.
Caught me mid-shower, in my still-not-monogrammed robe, because of course they did.
I thought someone finally got it right.
Then I opened the box… and they only sent one pen.
Not three.
So now I get to call the international pharmacy hotline and explain, yet again, that a full order means more than one.
So yes, Amazon and USPS are still deep in the Great Delay Games, raising rates while lowering expectations.
And even when FedEx wins the race, Accredo drops the baton at the finish line.
Simple Southern Mommy 